I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
