the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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