JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
