I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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