hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
