Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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