thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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