I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
