after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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