I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
