Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
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