9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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