She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
