Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
