Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
