This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can't turn off my feet"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
