im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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