found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
