you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I wear drunk well.
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