I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
