dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
