the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
