Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
