Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
