Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
