so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
