At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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