I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
