We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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