Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
