Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
BRING THE BAGELS
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
