the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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