no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
