forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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