I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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