the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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