Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
