in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
