I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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