i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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