i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
