Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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