she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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