I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
People with herpes should wear stickers.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
