She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
