In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
