i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
