do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
