i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
