I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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