Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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